Our Children

Samuel Athan Mersiovsky
"Samuel" means asked for by God. "Athan" means to live eternally with God

Elijah Michael Mersiovsky
The Elijah of the Old Testament left a legacy that shows God often reveals himself in quite quiet whispers rather than boisterous shouts. The Elijah of the Old Testament also showed that God is always with us, even if we feel alone. Michael, and arch angel, symbolizes protection and leadership.

Yes, we have decided to name the boys Samuel and Elijah. Scott and I have known for months now what their names were and often call them by their names, however, it seemed fitting that we share them today. Before we talk about the story of our children, we often get the question "How did you know they were boys?" Well... we really don't. During the 10 weeks of my pregnancy, I had continuous dreams of baby boys with Scott's complexion and my eyes. In July I asked the doctor if they could tell what gender the twins based on their DNA. She asked me what I thought and I said, because of my dreams, I was positive they were boys. She said that was a very good assumption. So... we went with it, and Scott and I both are at peace about it.

Scott and I decided the twins needed names for two reasons: 1) They were alive, even if it was only for a short time; and 2) How can we tell their story without having the names of the main characters? Scott and I decided the first baby would be named Samuel Athan because we petitioned God for these babies and He heard our prayer. Now... God did give them to us, but now they will live eternally with Him, hence the name Athan.

The first reason we picked the name Elijah is because the life of the Elijah in the Bible reminds us that God will never leave us even if we feel alone, and that is basically our testimony of the past six months. Secondly, we picked Elijah is because the Elijah of the Bible was taken up to heaven in a chariot of fire and did not die an earthly death. That is what Scott and I believe for the twins, they were placed on Earth to carry God's message to people and then He took them back to heaven to live with Him. Scott and I picked the name Michael because it symbolized protection. We believe that as horrible as this situation is, God has placed a hand of protection over us. He protected me from the grips of cancer. Also, He protected mine and Scott's hearts today as we lived February 5 without our children. This evening Scott and I spoke of how calm and joyful we were. Knowing the incredibly messy nature of our hearts, I can only attribute that to the prayers of our friends/family and the intervention of the Holy Spirit.

The best way I can think to sum up this bittersweet day it to write a letter.

Dear Samuel and Elijah,
First of all, we want you to know how much we love you. We never saw you, held you, or felt you, but we loved you in a big bad way. Words can't express our desire to see you and tell you how your small lives have affected so many people; We guess it will have to wait until we get to heaven. We want to let you know that you will never be forgotten, your little lives were just too significant. Your lives brought about a prayer and spiritual revival in more people than we can possibly mention. Most importantly your lives are drawing us closer to God. Do we question why a God who is all powerful let this happen? Yes. Do we sometimes feel angry, hurt, betrayed? Yes. Do we sometimes feel so encompassed by darkness that the light can never penetrate it? Yes. However, we believe God is going to use this for His glory, no matter how crappy we feel right now. But, we have a long road ahead of us. It would be a lie to say that we don't miss you like crazy. It would be dishonest to say that we don't wish you were here with us. We loved you before you were conceived and we will love you till the day we meet again. We have a box in our closest with all your papers and cards people sent us (Fathers Day, Mothers Day, and Thinking of You). We hope to share this box with your future siblings in hope that your lives will draw them closer to our heavenly Father. There is not a day that goes by where we don't think or talk about you. We wish we could be the ones to feed you, change you, hold you; but you get the ultimate experience, an eternity with God (the sinless parent). We have no doubt that when God calls us home, you will be there and we will recognize you instantly. We anticipate that day, we savor that promise. Until then our sweet ones, enjoy living on streets of gold and worshiping the Only One who is Worthy.You stole our hearts the first day we learned about you and you will forever be apart of our lives (even if only in spirit).

We love you!
Mom and Dad (and Max)